As August is drawing to a close all eyes and hands and minds are starting to prepare for Back To School madness. Of course shops don’t let us forget about this ominous time with offers for back to school clothes and stationary available from June before the children have even started their summer holidays. But as the summer begins all thoughts of September flee from our minds in the good weather until the middle of August when all of a sudden your great plans for the summer have vanished and it is time to prepare to go back to school.
As a teacher this is always the time that I start to prepare my classroom. Get displays on the wall, prepare some activities for the first few days while we are settling back in, even buy some new stationary (my favourite bit). But this year is a little bit different.
This year my eldest child K is starting school for the first time so I am also very much focused on preparing her for that big change too. Of course I have everything she will need on the first day-her uniform, new school bag, shoes, and a bit of stationary. But where she struggles the most is the emotional side of things. And she is not the only one. First day anxiety is very common among all children. I have seen many great examples and some not so helpful ways to prepare your child for their first day.
Parent’s Emotions
As a teacher, one of the biggest mistakes I have seen parents make is showing their worry or guilt to their child on their first day on school. So many times I have witnessed the parent crying, hugging their child continuously and saying goodbye 50 times. This shows the child that there is something wrong here, that this place may not be safe and of course the child then gets upset. Children are very perceptive and if they sense that their parents are not comfortable they will pick up on it and react accordingly.
What to do instead: Be OK with your decision. Yes this is a big emotional milestone that needs to be acknowledged but you made this decision. You decided your child was old enough. You chose the school. If you are not comfortable with either of these decisions then maybe you need to re-evaluate why? Do you feel like your child is not old enough to start? Could they wait another year? Is the school a good fit for you as a parent? Maybe there is another school that would fit better? You need to find a way to be comfortable with your decision and once you are show that confidence to your child.
Talk about school
Often I overhear parents talking to their child about the first day of school “you’ll have a great day” “you’ll love it” “you’ll make lots of friends”. Although these parents are trying to be positive and encouraging, trying to persuade your child that they are going to like something they have no experience of can have negative effects. What if they don’t make friends or their worry doesn’t go away and they don’t have a great day. Then the trust between parent and child is effected. For example I would love and really do hope my daughter makes friends quickly but past incidents have shown that she takes her time to get to know people before she makes friends so telling her she will make friends could have a negative effect on her self-esteem as she wonders why she hasn’t made friends when mammy said she would.
What to do instead: Talk about what will happen on the first day using only the facts that you know. “We are going to walk to school. We’re going to wait with everyone until the teacher is ready. Then teacher is going to bring you to the classroom. I will give you a big hug and then I am going to leave and I will be back in a couple of hours to collect you.” If you know any other details that the school has given you tell your child. For example if they are going to have a snack, are they going to go outside, will teacher read a story etc. The more your child knows the less daunting the day will be.
Acknowledge your child’s feelings
Starting school is a big occasion filled with many emotions for both parent and child. So often I have heard parents dismissing the child’s emotions with phrases such as “Don’t be silly, you’ll be grand” “There’s nothing to worry about”. For your child however in that moment that emotion is so big it is all they can feel and think about so pushing that emotion away does not help them.
What to do instead: Give your child as much time as they need to express anything they may be feeling even if it may seem trivial to you. If possible help them to come up with solutions for their worries so that they don’t appear so big. This helps them learn how to manage their emotions. It also helps to build a trusting relationship with you as parent.
Time
Make sure your give yourself and your child enough time in the morning before school starts. Too often I have witnessed frantic parents rushing their children into school and not giving them the time they need to feel comfortable before the parent has to run off to work. everyone’s anxiety levels are already very high and this frantic start to the day only heightens emotions.
What to do instead: Have everything ready the evening before. Set the uniform out, have the lunch prepared, know where the school bag and shoes are. Also get up a half an hour before your child so that you have enough time to deal with your own emotions of the day. This will start the day off on the right foot.
Self-reliance
Enabling your child to do things for themselves will go a long way to ensuring they are emotional ready for school. I have seen children come to school for the first time without the essential skills they need such as putting on their own shoes and coat, opening their own lunch box and opening and closing their . own school bag. This can have a big impact on their confidence. If they are able to do these things they should be given the opportunity to do them. Self reliance should start at home before a child comes to school.
What to do instead: Give your child a chance to learn age appropriate life skills. Teach them to make their bed, put away their dishes after dinner, put away their own clean clothes, making a simple sandwich etc. Learning to do these things builds confidence, independence and enables your child to become self dependant.
I really hope you all have a wonderful, easy-going and gentle first few days settling back into school in September.
Have fun,
Amanda
The Tender-Hearted Parent 